Copyright 1999, Screamer
All Rights Reserved
(this means don't use this without asking me first)
As published in the Spring Issue of Prometheus
Okay, listen up. I want all of you submissives on this side of the room, all the dominants over there. Got that? It's time to get some things straight between all of us, so we can get more of what we want and need out of this lifestyle. Is everyone paying attention? Hey, you. In the back row. Put that copy of "Taboo" down and pay attention. And yes, switches can sit in the middle if it makes you feel better.
I've really only got a couple of complaints, so this shouldn't take too long. You don't have to take notes, there's not going to be a quiz after class, I promise.
Here's what I want to know. What's up with this "Anything" crap? When you ask a potential bottoming play partner what they want, so many of them come up with this "Anything that will please you" or this "Anything that you wish".
I don't want to hear that. That's not why I'm asking and while you should be commended on your readiness to serve, I won't be commending you.
I want the truth. I want honesty. I want to know what you're looking for. I might be it, I might not.
I don't want to hear, in answer to the question "What are you looking for?" an answer like "To please you, Mistress." First of all, at that point, I'm not your mistress. Second of all, nine times out of ten, that's not what you're looking for. You're looking to get tied up and beat, or you're looking for good old-fashioned tie and fuck. What you're hoping is that tying you up and beating you is what pleases me. And depending on the day, you may be right. But then again, you may not. Do you really want to take that chance? Maybe what would please me on that day is having my toilet cleaned and my back yard mowed. And no, that's not foreplay to getting tied and fucked. It's the whole kitten kaboodle. That's it. Mow my yard. You want to please me and nothing more? That'll do it. Here's the mower. Get busy.
But if what you're looking for is a good old fashioned beating, then you better say that. Because chances are, if you don't, you might not get it. I can't read your mind. I have no desire to. I'm not asking the question to hear myself talk. I'm asking because I want to know. And if you don't want to tell me, why should I guess?
I dislike the word negotiation for some reason. I don't want to negotiate. I want to know what you want, so I can tell you if I can provide that to you or not. I might be willing to try something you like, I might not. But unless you answer my questions honestly, you're never going to know, are you?
I ask another question, when talking to a potential play partner. "What are your limits?" If the person replies "I have no limits", I ask them if they'd mind if I took their hand off with a chainsaw. That usually wises them right up. Sometimes, they answer "If it pleases you, Mistress." That scares me. Bye bye.
Everyone has limits. Even if you've only been in the lifestyle for a short time, and you don't know all of your limits yet, you at least know a few. Is death a limit for you? How about dismemberment? Body modifications? Rape fantasies? Walking naked down Haight Street in a collar and on a leash? Any of these things ringing true for you yet? If so, you'd better lay it all on the line when a Top/Dominant asks you what your limits are.
And don't lie about your experience, either. It's tacky as well as downright dangerous. If you've never had a single tail used on you, say so. I'm not going to think any less of you, as a matter of fact, I like breaking in virgins. All Dominants don't, no. But some of us do. And those are the ones you, as a bottom, want to play with as a virgin anyway.
And don't be in such a damn hurry to get into your position that you forget what you're doing there. While some Dominants don't mind being used as a tool, some of us do. I am not your hammer-into-your-headspace. I am a Dominant woman. I don't play with smart-assed masochists who try to "brat" their way into a beating. If you're not looking to be submissive, be upfront about it. You owe us that.
And Dominants? We owe that much to our counterparts, too. I've seen a lot of Dominants do things that they didn't want to do, to please their submissive. Some find this admirable. And to a point, I do reward. If you mow my grass and do a good job, I may reward you with a bondage scene. But if you're only enduring it to get to that point, you're not going to do a good job, and neither of us is going to end up being pleased. Dominants need to be as honest and forthright as we ask our play partners to be. Take a stand on that.
Think carefully before you answer a question. Open your heart and soul, and allow your partner to peer inside. They may be utterly pleased with what they see. And if they're not? You don't want to play with them anyway. It's really that simple.
That's all. You can all
go back to mingling now. Enjoy yourselves. Be safe, be happy, be honest.
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