The Art of the Blush
Erotic Embarrassment and Humiliation
Copyright Screamer 2001
All Rights Reserved
Before we get started, let’s define our terms. I’ve taken dictionary definitions for all three of these words and put them into easy to understand descriptions.
Embarrassment – To cause to feel self-conscious or ill at ease
Humiliation – To lower the pride, dignity or self-respect of another
Degradation – To dishonor; to reduce in rank or status; to lower in moral character; to reduce in worth or value
Quite a difference, huh?
For me, those three words conjure up completely different images. Maybe they don't for you, and the lines aren't clear.
Let me show you my lines.
Embarrassment: In a quiet movie
theater, he leans to you and whispers, "Are your panties wet, little girl?";
You're standing in Safeway, near the frozen foods, and he announces rather loudly that you're out of KY Jelly, and would you please pick some up and put it in the basket?
Humiliation: You are kneeling
in the living room, naked, your head against his hip and begging for sex,
using explicit language, and declaring how unworthy you are that
he bestow such an honor on you;
You crawl across the living room floor, head down, quiet, to drink out of a bowl on the floor, next to his chair.
Degradation: You are made to urinate
in your own panties, and sleep in them, after being told that you aren't
worth the water to clean yourself up;
He asks, in front of friends, "You're just too stupid to understand, aren't you?"
See the difference? (Keep in mind that these lines are subjective, and these are mine. Yours may be different, but you get the idea, right?)
Most folks that I know in D/s circles play with erotic embarrassment without even realizing that they're doing it. It becomes simply part of what makes them hot; what makes them who they are as partners.
And I do know a lot of folks who play with humiliation in varying degrees. I, myself, have become rather fascinated with it, though I have experienced far less than enough of it to know if it's really my bag or not.
Degradation? I have no desire for this. Some submissives do. And if it's what turns their crank, as long as it doesn't do permanent damage to their psyche, more power to them. But I don't know many people who could stand up to that for extended periods of time without doing irreparable damage.
Why do we like this? I think a great deal of it has to do with taking us to our most basic selves - taking a really good look into what makes us who we are. I think that many submissives feel that breaking down those walls between what's okay, and what we were raised to *believe is okay is a way to get back to being whole. And I believe that as well, to a large extent.
I believe that erotic embarrassment has the ability, when used in a caring relationship, to tear away a lot of that societal bullshit we were all raised to believe was right for us. It allows us to hear things like "You're going to beg for my cock tonight, bitch" and feel a swell of energy go straight from our spine down to our cunts, rather than being utterly offended, as our mothers would. It allows us to be free sexual beings, which is, as I believe, the Goddess intended us to be. I can't imagine a world where the Goddess would give us all this wonderful sexual ecstasy, only to tell us not to enjoy it while we could.
And I think that erotic humiliation takes that one step further - not only taking down those walls, but also ones we didn't even know we had. I don't know about you, but I don't remember anyone ever *telling me that it wasn't okay to crawl across the floor and beg for a taste of someone's cock, but yet, instinctively, before I started in D/s, I *believed that it wasn't. After having done it a few times, I can tell you - it's okay <g>.
I have quite different feelings about degradation, although I do know of a few people who have successfully used it in a D/s relationship to attain a goal. I personally would not be comfortable with it - at least, not in any relationship I've been in to this point.
There's something very wicked about being told to beg; something very basal about being made to say all those words that we were raised to believe that "ladies don't think, let alone say out". An added bonus to that feeling of deviance is that using the words - hearing them and saying them - somehow takes the mystique out of them. I know, several years ago, I hated the word cunt. I couldn't say it and I tore into anyone who used it around me. Now, it's a word I use frequently. In most circumstances, I *like being called a bitch. I can refer to my body parts with words that I didn't believe I'd ever be able to use.
How freeing is that?
"The Art of the Blush" isn't for everyone. Some folks, no matter how much they enjoy reading about erotic embarrassment and humiliation, can't get past the stigmas that the world as a whole have put on them to be "good". And that's okay. No one says you have to like *everything. How boring would the world be, if we all wanted the same things?
If you're just thinking about this for yourself, or your Dominant has expressed an interest in playing with it, my only caution is to go into it slowly - and communicate extensively during and after the play.
As with some things, sometimes the fantasy is hotter than the reality.
But if you have the desire, give it a shot. You might be pleasantly surprised with the outcome.
Keep blushing! Red doesn't
only belong on your lower cheeks!
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