Expectations, as a Submissive
Updated Version, 2000
Copyright, Screamer
All Rights Reserved
See the original essay from 1995




This is an updated version of a piece I wrote several years ago, after having only been involved in "the scene" for less than two years.

Since that time, I've changed a lot in my thinking and I've grown into various areas of my submission and my self-knowledge.  I thought that perhaps it was time to change this essay to go along with those remarkable changes.
 

Do not use this as your own, as it may not fit your needs, but perhaps use it as a guide in writing your own expectations as a submissive. Everyone's needs are different, both Dominant and submissive.  And as I've learned, it's always better to state expectations up front - or, bring them up when they change in any fluid and growing relationship.

My dearest Dominant,

This is for you.

It is about my expectations as your submissive. What I expect of you, and what I expect from myself. It's about your role as my Dominant, and my role as your submissive. I placed my submission in your hands.  It is a very strong part of who I am, and what I believe and feel.  It IS me, and this is what I expect from this relationship, to be able to be at my fullest potential.
 

I expect to bend to your will. I expect to serve you for your pleasure, which brings me pleasure in return.  I expect that if I should fail to obey you, or please you, that you will punish me in ways you see fit.

I expect you to administer pain in whatever form solely for your pleasure, should you feel this desire. However, I expect that you'll draw a clear line between punishment and 'play'.   I expect you to understand the level and type of pain/control/stimulation I want to feel as discussed between us, and if I've not expressed myself clearly or completely, I expect that you will ask for, and then receive, clarification.

I expect you to respect me as a person, and understand that my submission is not an admission of inability.

I expect to be reminded of my submission to you when you feel that I need to be reminded. I expect to have the right to remind *you* of it as well, when I feel as if I'm un-anchored in myself, and feel a need to be reigned back in.

I expect to you explore limits, sexually, emotionally and mentally, if and when you feel it's appropriate.

I expect you to issue orders that will force me to examine and push a limit I may have, which would bring you pleasure for me to submit to. I expect you to accept that I may shudder and tremble, and perhaps even defy.... And I expect you to not stop - not give in - when I do this, unless you change your mind.

I expect to serve your pleasure in all ways. I expect you to use whatever tools you see fit, and I expect you to work with me toward complete and total submission to you. This is what I desire deep inside, and it's what I feel that I need to feel completely whole.

I expect you to set guidelines for me as you see fit. If I should ever break a rule, or try to top from the bottom, I ask that you don't let me get away with it, unless you find it entertaining or amusing. I expect you to understand that I need more than anything to give up that control, that it makes me feel good to do so.

I expect honest communication, rather it's good, bad or indifferent.  I expect that this will be a relationship built on more than sex and submission - but also on mutual respect and trust.  These things are essential to any good, strong, growing relationship.    I ask that you communicate with me about likes and dislikes, and intentions you may have.  I ask that I am allowed to feel the freedom to do the same with you.

I expect play time as well as work.  I expect to laugh as well as cry.  I expect you to mark me if you feel like it.  I expect you to be honest with me, if I ask to play and you don't feel like it.

I expect you to grow and change as I do, in your own way.

I expect you to understand these expectations, and if you don't understand them, I expect you to discuss them with me. I expect that you will accept what I've said, and be honest with me about your feelings about it.

In that, we will both feel free to chase the tiger's tail.

Your screamer

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