Is it Really Submission?

(if I like everything he does?)

 An Essay

 Copyright Screamer, 2000

All rights reserved

Don't even think about using this without my written permission.

Below, find an opinion of mine. This isn't saying "Take this as Law" or, "This is the Only Way", cause it ain't. It's just my opinion, and I'm sharing it with you.


So, this question came up the other day: ""Is it really submission if I like what he's doing?"". This is a subject that's been raised many times for me, over the last six or seven years of exploring all that this community has to offer. I've been over it and over it, and I think I've finally come up with "My" answer to the question.

My gut reaction is "no". And I'll tell you why. (of course I will, did you think I wouldn't? <g>)

I pay taxes to the state of California (way too much). I do not like doing this. I submit to doing this, because for the time being, I have chosen to live by the most beautiful bay in the world. I pay my due to live there.

I eat yogurt for breakfast instead of a my normal oatmeal with brown sugar, because I'm trying to diet. I do not like doing this. I submit to doing this, because I want to fit back into some of my cool clothes <g>. I pay my due to do that.

I write prose for my Dominant. I do like doing this. I do this for myself as much as for him. I do not consider it submission.

I speak to my Dominant daily. I do like doing this. I do this for myself as much as for him. I do not consider it submission.

Are those last two things part of my Dominant/submissive relationship? Oh yes. Are they submissive on my part? No.

Now, if he told me to STOP writing or to NOT call him, then yes - it would be submission. Because it would be giving up something I enjoy at his behest. It would be FOR him. It would not be FOR both of us.

The lines get fuzzy with this sometimes. But usually, if a submissive can say "Please do X to me.", it's not submission - unless, of course, the submissive really really hates it, and is only saying "please do x to me" because they know the Dominant will enjoy it.

And even then, the submissive is getting something out of it - they're feeding their submission! They wouldn't be submitting at ALL if they didn't get a charge out of submitting - not the act of X, perhaps, but the submission TO the act of X. That's another fuzzy line that I've tried to clear. I think I'm there.

Simply the act of getting beaten is not always submissive for me. There are certain things that I like getting beaten with, and putting myself up there to get hit with those isn't submission - it's fun. However, there are certain things that I detest being hit with, and to stand straight and tall and have those things used on me without complaint - that IS submission. While I enjoy the fact that I can stand there and TAKE it, I'm not submitting to the pain, I'm submitting to the one wielding the instrument. When getting hit with something I like, I'm not submitting to anything, except - (and here's the big one!) My own selfish wants.

Clear as mud?

It's those "coffee at six am when you don't have to be up until 8" things that are submissive in my book.

It's those "wear those five inch heels (instead of tennis shoes) because I like you in them - walks through the mall" things that are submissive.

It's those "I don't care if you have a headache, I want it NOW" things that are submissive.

To me.

I can stand up by a cross and get single-tailed for hours, and there won't be a damn submissive thing about it for me, because I like that (well, depends on who's wielding the whip, too, I suppose <g>). But you pull a crop or a paddle out of that bag, and it becomes very submissive for me. Because I'm no longer doing it because I like THE ACT. I'm doing it because I like the feeling that submitting to it gives me.

I realize that this kinda takes the big ol' romantic spin out of D/s for some folks - but this is *my* D/s - and *my* opinion of D/s, and you are under no obligation to buy into it. If you want to call begging to be

beaten with something you get off on being beaten with submission, then you *can*. Isn't that nice? You can call it whatever you like. And no one can really tell you that you're wrong!

I just don't happen to agree.

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