What SM Is (and ain't)

An essay by Screamer

This is, of course, my own opinion, based on my own experiences, in my own life. (And all activities are, by virtue of whom I am, consensual)

What SM is:

SM is pain.

Sometimes, SM is pleasure.

Sometimes, SM is punishment.

Sadism is not the same as Dominance.

Masochism is not the same as submission.

A Top is not a Dominant is not a Sadist

You can be all three, but it's damn rare.

A bottom is not a submissive is not a masochist.

You can be all three, but it's damn rare.

SM is taking what's not so easily given.

SM is accepting yourself and your desires and needs.

SM is being free to feel those things.

SM is giving what's not so easily accepted.

SM is pushing limits - continuously, whether intentional or not.

SM is more pain.

SM can be a loving exchange, but isn't always.

SM can be pleasurable to both people, but isn't always

SM takes trust to work for both people - at least enough trust to allow the


SM is crying when you don't want to cry.

SM is crying when you NEED to cry.

SM is beating someone because YOU want to - not because they like it, cause

sometimes, they don't.

SM is staying upright even when you don't want to.

SM is begging, pleading and attempted escape.

SM is fun sometimes.

SM is not fun sometimes.

SM can include role play, dominance, submission. Or not.

SM can be strictly an extension of D/s, or not.

SM can be a cathartic experience, or not.

SM can be spiritual, or not.

SM can be sexual, or not.

See - all things are ambiguous. Always. There are very very few blacks and

whites in this world.

And I really get pissy when folks try to do the 'one true wayisms' or 'right

wrong' D/s or 'true' submission

We're all who we are, ya know? Everyone's got their own kinks - the things

that make them happy. Some relationships will carry aspects of all things:

SM, D/s and B&D. Some will only carry a few - or, maybe one.

As long as we're havin' a good time, and not harming anyone, what does it

matter, anyway?

Are you getting what you need?

Are you giving what you need to give?

Are you feeling safe - to the extent that you need to?

Then you're fine.

And fuck a buncha other people's opinions.


Copyright 1999, Screamer, All Rights Reserved

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